Have A Lotto Chuckle

We all love to laugh. It’s for this reason that we feel so happy after a good hearty giggle. As adults, we often take life way too seriously. We have been taught to run through our lives with such a speed that we simply don’t have the time to look around and find the humour our everyday lives.

We’ve collected a few jokes about the lottery to brighten up your week with a little chuckle.


One of the best ways to add humour and laughter into your marriage is by sharing funny stories about married life or by telling each other a good marriage joke.  Not surprising then, is that most of the lottery jokes are about married couples:

"I'm just off to buy the lottery tickets for the weekend," I said to my wife.
She looked at me quizzically. "Dressed like a Red Indian?"
"Well, you know what they say," I replied: "Fortune favours the Brave."

I won the Lottery last night.
I haven't told the wife yet, I can't use my phone on the plane.

What's better than winning the lottery?
Winning it the day after your divorce comes through.

They say there's more chance of dying on the way to place the lottery than actually winning.
That's why I always send my wife.

When the lottery first started, I'd pick the numbers after my wife's age, weight and vital statistics. Now that Mega Millions has lower numbers, I no longer play the lottery.


The Euromillions winner has not come forward yet.
No surprise there........  I'd still be telling my boss what I think of him.


After winning the lottery I thought, the first thing I'm going to do is fill my car with fuel.
Then that dream was shattered as they announced that there had been two lucky jackpot winners.

I find it funny how some people only play the lottery with it’s a rollover.
Almost as if they could do without 3 million tax-free pounds.


Can you believe it?
This guy wins $75 million on the Mega Millions lottery on Tuesday, and then finds the love of his life just two days later. Talk about luck!

Whenever I see a girl put her newly bought lottery ticket down her bra for safe keeping, I feel the urge to go for a lucky dip.

My son asked me if I would buy him a new bike.
I said: "Son, if you really want something in life you have to work for it."
Then I told him to be quiet because they were just about to announce the UK Lottery numbers.

If I ever win the lottery, all of my neighbours are going to be so rich!
I'm going to move to a rich neighbourhood.

Ever played the Eskimo lottery?
You have to be Inuit to win it.

I'm retiring early.
I've opened a pie shop next door to the new Euro Millions Lottery winners.

I've decided that, if I ever win the lottery, I won't let the money change me.
I'll leave that to the plastic surgeons.

I've just won the Lottery, to celebrate I'm having a tattoo of my lucky winnings numbers done on my arm.
15,23, and 46.

Why you should play the lottery online...

I don't think I'm ever going to win the lottery.
I can't even pick the pen that works from a choice of two at the lottery stand.

My mate asked me, "What's the first thing you would do if you won the lottery?"
I replied, "Collect the winnings."

I seem to have the worst luck.
I had all the right numbers on my lottery ticket, but they weren't in the right order.

And last but not least...

Just think how many lottery tickets you could buy
if you won the lottery!

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