News Read Id 62 | Play the Powerball lottery and Mega Millions lottery at PlayUSALotteries.com. Play your Powerball and Mega Millions winning numbers and get Powerball and Mega Millions lottery results.
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One of our regular players came across the following illustration which resulted in chuckles from the PlayHugeLottos.com team. It is a rather humourous look at Lottery winners' choice of what they would buy with their multi-million Pound jackpot wins.
"Sorry sir, you'll have to turn back. The couple who won
the lottery jackpot have bought Wales"
Unfortunately, we were unable to ascertain the original artist, but we would love to acknowledge them.
If you have a funny quip, article, cartoon or joke that is lottery related, send it to us at humour@playukinternet.com. The funniest submission (in the opinion of our panel of judges), sent prior to December the 15th 2009, will win a month's subscription to the SuperEna Lottery, courtesy of www.PlaySuperEna.com.
The winner will be announced on this page and alerted by email. our 'tough crowd' judges decision is final. That's just the way it is.
Posted by David (12/11/2009)
A man comes home one evening and shouts "Honey! Pack your bags, I won the Lottery!" She is hugely excited and asks "What type of destination should I pack for", to which he replies: "I don't give a damn, just be outta here by 5!" It's a bit sexist I suppose, but you could swap the man and the woman if you don't have a sense of humour ;)
Posted by Haris (12/11/2009)
I saw an interview on TV where this one old farmer won ten million in the Lottery. Naturally he was asked what he was gonna do with all that money. He kinda scratched his head and said, "Not sure as I know right off. Guess I'll keep farmin' till it's all gone."
Posted by Howard (13/11/2009)
Heres a joke I found online: A 70-year-old widower in Germany won a $4 million lottery, but he says he doesn't want the money because his wife is gone and he has no children, so he doesn't know what he'd do with it. Another guy says: Wow . . . he was married so long that he forgot how to spend his own money!
Posted by Gnanaprakash (17/11/2009)
if win the lottery i feel my 40 yrs of tapassya i.e.,prayer to god to remove my poorness has come true at last,that means god has opened his eyes on me
Posted by Oleksandr (17/11/2009)
Dear! – husband loud entering in to the room. We won main price in Lottery! Now we wealthy. Where did you take money on lottery? – wife ask suspicious.
Posted by Oleksandr (20/11/2009)
At a Christmas party in Melbourne last year the staff decided to pull a joke on their boss who had a habit of playing serious practical jokes on everyone else. When he went to the toilet, they went through his wallet and found his Tats Lotto ticket. Then, they wrote down his numbers and called over the waitress to set up a little prank. She came back half an hour later and asked if anyone wanted to know the night's Lotto numbers, then proceeded to read them out loud before setting the numbers on the table. The boss looked at the numbers, then casually pulled out his wallet and compared them. He became really silent, put his wallet back in his jacket and sat down again breathing really rapidly, and looking totally blown away. After a couple of minutes he pulled out his wallet and Lotto ticket again, and checked the numbers, very carefully. Then, he sculled his drink, stood up on his chair and shouted out to the whole room, "I just want to let you all know something. I've been having an affair with my secretary for months. I don't like any of you, and I have hated working for this company. You can all go to Hell, because I've just won a shit-load of money, and I'm leaving!". End of job. End of marriage. End of story.
Posted by Volodymyr (22/11/2009)
Why prayer is the most powerful in casino? Because it is sincere
Posted by Oleksandr (23/11/2009)
A blonde finds herself in serious trouble. Her business has gone bust and she's in dire financial straits. She's so desperate that she decides to ask God for help. She begins to pray..."God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the Lotto." Lotto night comes, and somebody else wins it. She again prays..."God, please let me win the Lotto! I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well." Lotto night comes and she still has no luck. Once again, she prays..."My God, why have You forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house, and my car. My children are starving. I don't often ask You for help, and I have always been a good servant to You. PLEASE let me win the Lotto just this one time so I can get my life back in order." Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open. The blonde is overwhelmed by the Voice of God Himself..."Sweetheart, work with Me on this... Buy a ticket".
Posted by Oleksandr (24/11/2009)
Lottery is indirect tax on poor knowledge at mathematics.
Posted by Oleksandr (25/11/2009)
People lined up again to buy lottery tickets in New Jersey. No one won the jackpot. It's now worth $200 million. The jackpot is so large that the winner will know what it is like to divorce Ted Turner.
Posted by Oleksandr (26/11/2009)
If you really want something in life you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers. Homer Simpson.
Posted by Oleksandr (3/12/2009)
Insurance agent explain: Madam if you insure your husband life and he`ll pass away you`ll get 50 000 euro. Think about! Oh, I never was lucky on lottery.
Posted by Oleksandr (4/12/2009)
A blonde buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to lottery headquarters to claim it and the man verifies his ticket number. The blonde says, "I want my $20 million." The man replied, "No, sorry lady. It doesn't work that way. We give you a million today and then you'll get the rest spread out for the next 19 years." The blonde said, "Oh, no. I want all my money right now! I won it and I want it." Again, the man explain that he would only get a million that day and the rest during the next 19 years. The blonde, furious with the man, screams out, "Look, I want my money! If you're not going to give me my $20 million right now, then I want my dollar back.
Posted by Oleksandr (5/12/2009)
Bill Gates wins $500 milllion Mega Millions Jackpot. Bill Gates won the huge Mega Millions Jackpot Wednesday after buying all 175,711,536 different possible number combinations. "I had all my employees buy tickets in all of the different Mega Million states in order to get all of the combinations in before the drawing - but it's been well worth it!", Mr. Gates said. He later admitted, "I had the entire plan laid out in an Excel spreadsheet but I almost wasn't able to get the information to all the employees buying the tickets - darn blue screen of death popped up on me. Thank goodness for backups!"
Posted by Oleksandr (7/12/2009)
Steven Smith, a 43 year old mechanic, who won $50 million last April playing Florida's 6/53 Lotto game was caught mowing his lawn on Sunday. He seems to be leading a normal life and is still married to the same woman. He hasn't been arrested or gone broke and his children are not on drugs. The FBI and the IRS announced today that a thorough investigation will be conducted.
Posted by Oleksandr (7/12/2009)
Mississippi Man Wins $900 Million Powerball Jackpot. He receives after-tax check of $90,000.
Posted by Oleksandr (7/12/2009)
Jack Hendershot, resident of Lewes, Delaware wins $230,000,000 - chooses to remain anonymous.
Posted by Oleksandr (7/12/2009)
James Michener in his novel “Texas“ presented precise categories for gradiations of wealth: $1 to $30 million Comfortabe, $20 to $50 million Well to do, $50 to $500 million Rich, $500 million to $1 billion Big Rich, $1 to $5 billion Texas rich.
Posted by Oleksandr (9/12/2009)
Did you hear about the $3,000,000 Kentucky State Lottery? The winner gets $3 a year for a million years.
Posted by Oleksandr (12/12/2009)
A woman came home screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, "Honey pack your bags , I won the damn lottery!" The husband said "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?" "Doesn't matter,"she said, "Just get the hell out."
Posted by Oleksandr (14/12/2009)
To lotto players, near and far, Wishing for fortunes, a home or a car, Week after week, we strive for success, Any prize will do, a jackpot no less, Working with software, pencil or pen, We'll work those numbers, now and then, Looking for systems, mystical and devine, Rolling a dice or looking online, No more black cats, you bring me bad luck, Checking my numbers, not a hit, Oh (bleep)! At night in my bed, I think of a way, To find the right system, one that will pay, We have one thing in common, we see the glass half full, Others may gaulk and say it's all bull, Until that one day, when the big hit arrives, We've got family and friends to brighten our lives.
Posted by Playhugelottos.com (17/12/2009)
CONGRATULATIONS TO OLEKSANDR WHOSE POEM SUBMITTED ON THE 14TH OF DECEMBER 2009 WAS CONSIDERED BY OUR JUDGES TO BE THE MOST HOMOUROUS. OLEKSANDR WINS A ONE MONTH SUBSCRIPTION TO THE SUPERENALOTTO.
Posted by Haris (17/12/2009)
Congratulations " Oleksandr "
| Lottery | Jackpot | Time/Date | |
 Powerball |
US $250,000,000 |
08-02-2012
|
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 SuperEnaLotto |
Results Pending
|
09-02-2012
|
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 EuroMillions |
Results Pending
|
|
Play now |
|
MegaMillions |
US $32,000,000 |
|
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 ElGordo |
EU €12,900,000 |
12-02-2012
|
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 OzLotto |
US $16,000,000 |
14-02-2012
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 UKLottery |
UK £6,700,000 |
|
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|
SuperLottoPlus |
US $10,000,000 |
08-02-2012
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 FranceLoto |
EU €7,000,000 |
|
Play now |
|
OzPowerball |
US $3,200,000 |
09-02-2012
|
Play now |
 MegaSena |
US $1,400,000 |
|
Play now |
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